Mindfulness is ultimately all about emotional intelligence
Finite vs infinite games and how they affect your happiness

The meta meta-narrative: I need to be a certain way to be worthy of love and belonging

In my coaching course, we've learned the value of narratives (or archetypes) in helping people see things from a fresh perspective. And we learned about 3 common “meta-narratives” in our culture: performativity, the inner critic, and the island where it all works out. Looking more deeply at the commonalities, there is a theme behind these three—the meta meta-narrative if you will.

At the root of all of these is the fear that I won't be worthy of love and belonging. We all need positive, healthy relationships to thrive, and we are hard-coded to want to be a part of a tribe, so much so that we will do whatever we believe we have to in order to "earn our place” in the tribe.

But this ultimately is a fallacy. Any healthy tribe loves, appreciates and welcomes you fundamentally. Unless you are a complete sociopath (and thankfully those are actually quite rare) you are already worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are.

Of course some of us grow up in "tribes" where this worthiness is not communicated clearly, if at all. That's ok. That's just not your tribe. You can—and will!—find another. You just need to be vulnerable and trust that it is possible. Once you find a healthy, compassionate person that you can connect with and open up to, you are on your way.

So if you feel like you need to do some activity, or achieve some goal or perform some role just to be worthy of human connection, let me assure you that is not the case. Be who you are. And the healthy people will love a celebrate you for it.


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